Top 10 Things NOT to do at a Children's Writer's Conference

10. Bring a pet Dalmation. Nope. Don't event think about it.

9. Arrive intoxiated on anything other than caffeine.

8. Arrive either without caffeine or without the financial means to acquire caffeine when necessary.

7. Say, "I prefer to use my pen name on my name-tag, since my real name's on the sex offender registry..."

6. Critique a fellow attendee's manuscript to within an inch of death, and then cry and storm out when they do the same to yours.

5. Forget your pen and ask the editor sitting next to you whether they have one that you can borrow.

4. Hand every agent you meet a pastel, perfumed resume with your lingerie-clad glamour shot attached.

3. Wait until the keynote speaker is about to share the punchline of a joke and then loudly ask those sitting around you: " What the heck is an SASE, and why don't these crazy people realize that the synonym for the word WRITER is spelled SCRIBE not SCBWI?!!!"

2. Insinuate to ANYONE that your novel is better than or even similar to J.K. Rowling's or J.M. Barrie's.

And the #1 thing NOT to do at a children's writer's conference:

1. Bring your entire novel manuscript and attempt to read it aloud to every editor that you can corner in the elevator! ("But wait, Editor Smith, don't leave! It get's even better in chapter 17! And look, I've added my own illustrations...!")